That Voice

Everyone thinks they are bad at having an eading disorder. Because if you are not perfect at eating nothing, then you are not. good. enough. Right? And the thing with an eating disorder.. is that you will NEVER be good enough. The only way you will be good enough for your eating disorder is when you're 6ft under. It just, ultimately, wants to kill you. and you have to wonder... what is this voice? Where did it come from? Cuz we certainly weren't born with it. We may have been born with a genetic predisposition to develop an eating disorder, but where did the voice come from? Seriously.

And it's funny that any other voices people hear are tagged as delusions and non-realities... but this ED voice everyone (with an ED) hears. What's up with that? So... what is this voice?

Is it a person?
Is it us?
Is it an intruder?
Is it the devil?
Is it a spirit?
WTF is it?
And how does it become us? become a part of us?

Ya know what it is. It is just bad.. evil.. whatever you want to call it. It charms us into thinking it's right for us and hitting us at our weak point: perfection. Perfection... what is our fascination with perfection?

Well... you guys... it's time to push the old man back into his rocker so he cannot suck the life out of us anymore. Push him down. Break the chain. OU'RE HOLDING THE KEY, and you don't even know it!!! He's (as in your eating disorder)is just trying to manipulate ou, guilt you, abuse you into not even realizing the key is imprinted on your heart... because every time you agree with him or believe his lies, he covers up the key hole with his thick, black, tar...

For some, they think they deserve the tar. They have been abused too much by this old man, by their own mind, and by people in their life. They are convinced they deserve the punishment of a spirit coated in tar. Let me tell yo... you don't.


Let me tell you.. you have tar remover in your hand too. It comes in the form of your pure words and your pure thoughts. Take hte few pure thoughts that you have left and start using them. Don't be afraid... Actually, GET SCARED because when you're scared of the old man's reactions and you do/say it anywy and you see how he gets further away from you... your fear will turn into true empowerment. And empowerment will slowly remove the tar that has built up over your heart.

Some of it you MAY never be able to remove, but it's okay. It's okay. Cuz everybody has that bit of tar that they can't remove. It makes us stronger, though, in the end. If we decide to accept the challenge not to ignore the tar.. but to keep it in check, instead... then we will be empowered.

Are you ready?
Are you willing?
It's time to start walking down this road.
It's time.

Love,
Kim